loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
