paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
time to smoke my breakfast
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
