He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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