I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
