Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
