I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
