i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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