Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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