my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
