I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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