She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The Olympian is in my bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
