I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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