that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
