im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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