Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize