your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
