no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
