Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
