he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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