i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
