Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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