he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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