I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
