I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
