the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
