these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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