Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize