I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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