Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
