I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize