I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
