I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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