You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
