I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
