you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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