hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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