whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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