Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
