I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
