we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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