I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
