saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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