at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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