I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize