That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
