I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize