He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
