some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
