C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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