Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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