Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
