im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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