Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
