i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
