So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
