it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
