Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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