the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
