WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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