Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"