Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
