It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
