i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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