i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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