You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
