I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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